Harlan Kilstein On Love

Q: “Hi Dr. Kilstein,

My goal for 2009 is to really finally get over my fears.

Especially my fear of meeting people.

I’m divorced and I really want to find someone new, but I get intimidated and never end up approaching someone I really like.

I wait sometimes for them to make the first move but they never do.

So how can I get myself out there and hopefully find someone to love?

That’s my goal. Hope you can help.

Thanks,

Sam”

A: Hey there Sam,

Intimidation.

It seems to me that’s your biggest issue here with meeting people (Men? Women? I couldn’t tell from your email and your name.)

You mention being intimidated by people you are interested in.

It might help to examine exactly what is making you intimidated:

Is it beauty, money, or social status?

Is it the idea that he/she is “out of my league”?

Once you determine what is making you afraid and anxious, take a step back.

Remind yourself who is in control.

As soon as you start feeling intimidated, try to recognize the feeling.

Identifying it as soon as possible, becoming aware of how you feel, can help you stop the fear.

Consider this: the person who you think is “out of your league” is a person just like you are.

People are people.

They put their pants on one leg at a time, like my grandma used to say.

Beautiful women and hot, rich guys have beliefs and desires, hopes, dreams, and fears just like the rest of us.

It’s nothing to be intimidated by.

And besides, you have a lot more in common than you think.

Instead of blowing things out of proportion and freezing like a deer in the headlights…

Think about something you have in common.

Maybe something that can start a conversation.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.

The next person you approach could turn out to be the love of your life.

But you won’t know until you try.

And if this still sounds difficult, then you need to use the Physiology of Excellence to short circuit your fears.

Just by using this simple technique (which can take less than an hour), you can erase any trace of fear from your body.

Instead of being a wallflower, you’ll be the one smiling and flirting with the most beautiful person in the room.

Peace. Harlan Kilstein